Sunday, March 27, 2016
I considered calling this post, "Why I Hate Easter" but decided that sounded too harsh. And, the truth is, I don't hate Easter, but it is a trigger for me, so it's another tough holiday to get through.
Five years ago on Easter Sunday morning my ex husband and I were intimate for the last time. Later that morning he went on a "bike ride" - I'll let you read between the lines here (hint: mistress, hint, hint: he wasn't sweaty from a bike ride when he returned). And later still that same Easter Sunday he and I bought a lovely meal from our local gourmet grocery store, prepared and cooked it together and ate a delicious Easter meal together with our boys.
Two days later I discovered he had been cheating on me for almost 3 years, and then my world fell apart. (You can read more about this in my earlier blog posts.)
So, Easter kinda sucks for me.
BUT, the good news is, five years later I DO feel resurrected in some sense from the difficult parts of my former life. It has taken time, and I'm still not fully healed, but I am on my way to feeling like this was a blessing for me. Do I miss my former life? Yes. I miss my Plan A - I miss being in a marriage with the father of my children, I miss being a family of four, I miss working through issues together, I miss gazing at our boys with pride together, etc etc etc.
I do realize there are many plans for my life, however. There's Plan B, Plan C, Plan D, Plan E...
We can get stuck when we think there is just one path, one plan, one journey. My life has taken so many twists and turns in the past five years. I've moved three times, and I am about to move again. I've started and ended a business. I've met several communities of new people (singles, yogis, friends of friends, new neighbors, students). I've taken classes and received certifications. I've dated. I've reconnected with people from my past. I've helped a lot of people. A lot of people have helped me. I've grown.
I don't know what lies ahead, but I do know I 'm in a better place now than I was five years ago on Easter Sunday. I also know that Easter still kinda sucks for me. I wish it didn't, but I'm not going to beat myself up thinking I should be fully moved on by now. I'm going to be patient and know that someday Easter won't suck for me. It won't be a trigger. It will be just another holiday.